Let's talk about jealousy...  

LagoonaBay 40F
3 posts
11/9/2018 4:43 am
Let's talk about jealousy...

Hi members,

Recently I came across the subject due to some personal interaction with a guy. I thought I wasn't a jealous person, but strangely enough I was accused of being extremely jealous. I started thinking what is jealousy after all and does it have levels because one can be alright with one thing and not with other.

How jealous or are you jealous at all in your relationship? I know that in swinging 'no means no' and normally both partners have strict or some agreement of what and who is allowed in the relationship to which I agree 100%. But let me ask you this: If you partner says that he/she wants to have sex with different people with or without informing you, and then comes and says, you should be happy for them, because they experienced something nice, and normally we are happy for our partners when they are happy, why this has to be different regarding sexual experiences? Would you support/practice this?

Then imagine that your partner has a favourite friend from the opposite sex and that friend is very often mentioned in front of you, she/he feels free to call in the middle of the night when you are together, they share sexual fantasies, make plans, and the friend is making nice gestures to your partners, stealing your opportunity to do so, or just meddling too much in your partner's life. Is there a point where you will feel disturbed or annoyed by the whole situation and would you call that jealousy or feel indignant that you are not in the clear position of the truly important person of you partner's life at that moment.

And last question: when you share with your partner your feeling about similar situations or some unhappiness you experience in regards to their behaviour, what do you expect to be their reaction:
- they listen to you and make a note, because they value your feelings and emotions and they value you as a person in their life
- they listen to you, but they think that the subject can be discussed to reach a win-win outcome
- they listen to you, but don't consider changing anything, because they believe that the problem is yours and they don't need to restrict their happy life, it is you who have to sort out your issues and boundaries and get rid of your limits.

Please note that I am not talking about fuck buddy situation here but about loving and meaningful relationship/marriage.

In which of these situations would you feel you are deeply connected to your partner? And how would you describe a jealous person?


RobK2006 51M
4986 posts
11/9/2018 6:49 am

I think it is one thing for someone to have casual sex with someone who isn't that important on a personal/emotional level. It is another thing if the two people have emotional feelings for each other that are strong. In the second case, it is perfectly normal to feel jealous if your partner is one of those people.

BiggLala 47F  
25501 posts
11/9/2018 7:48 am

I don't know whether I'd call it jealousy, though I'm sure some people would, but I'd definitely have concerns about what my S/O is doing and with whom they're doing it. I'd be concerned about the nature of his 'relationship' with his friend.

Based on what you described, it sounds like that 'friendship' is more than just a friendship, and they share an emotional and intimate bond. It's one thing if I'm in a genuine polyamorous relationship where these types of connections can form (doesn't guarantee jealousy won't rear it's head, either). However, it's another thing when--no matter the type of relationship--an S/O disregards their partner and his or her role in their life.

The whole thing is concerning and possibly headed for major changes.

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missthee 53F
3877 posts
1/12/2019 2:45 am

Hello and welcome to the blogs.

my view experiencing jealousy and being a jealous person are two different things. I would not appreciate being labeled the latter. Because the underlying tone most probably would be accusatory, and the other person is trying to avoid responsibility for causing the emotional response in me.
Experiencing pangs of jealousy is a natural reaction, and if you are able to discuss the experience openly with a partner, then it is possible to get to the next level, getting past it.

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