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What's the world coming to tooooo...
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What's the world coming to tooooo... I was working late last night as I often do. So on the way home I was thinking that I needed to stop at the grocery store to get some things... The essentials if you know what I mean... I had noticed when I left for work that my supply of TP was getting low. That and I was thinking that I needed some ingredients to make some chilli which I have been thinking would taste real good. So I stopped at the bank and made a deposit on the way through town to cover my visit to the grocery store as that seems to be an ever increasing cost.  Then I headed through town and over the river... On the bridge of course... Then around through the main and back streets to the store. As I was pulling into the parking lot I saw someone leaving in there big truck with huge tires jacked why up high. I wondered if it was the lady of the house driving it or if the man of the house had been sent out to hunt down the needed supplies. What with the shopping scene getting to be more of a search or a hunt now a days with the panic buying and all. So in I went to the store being sure to lock the doors as I had my tools and stuff in the borrowed vehicle I was using. That's another story that maybe I Will get to later... So as I walk into the store I was thinking I just need the ingredients for the chili and a package of TP so I went to grab one of the little baskets that you can hand carry around. Then I got to thinking... well every time I grab the basket I end up overstuffing it because I always wind up buying more than I intend too. I'm one of those people the grocery store planners plan for... impulsive buyer. I rarely get just what I came for and leave. What can I say... I like to eat stuff when I get hungry but don't really like running to the store all the time. Things went good through the fresh food section. The only extras I got were a couple bags of baby carrots, brocolli, lettuce, tiny tomatoes and well they put those pistachios right where I couldn't miss them so I got another 24 oz package as the one I bought the other day was almost empty. I resisted the impulse to buy the bag of yellow potatoes. I knew I would forget about them and find them growing eyes or smell that smell you know the one. That smell that makes you think something is bad somewhere and sends you looking to discover the source... And they were on sale too. The fresh food section done with (oh I passed on the grapes too, they didn't look that good), I headed around the corner and almost went to the meat section forgetting about the TP detour. But I caught myself and turned back and when I came around the corner to the TP section I was dumbfounded... In all my years of shopping at that store I have never seen such a devastating sight. There wasn't a single package of TP on any of the shelves.  Not even the cheesy sandpaper like TP Or the fancy expensive luxury TP for pampered asses  I was astounded.  Normally there is a good 15 or more feet of shelving there that goes from the floor to above my 5' 10" hat level that is stuffed with toilet paper of a baffling array of choices to do, well you know what you do with it... All gone poof. I have been annoyed before with so many choices to sort through and especially as I find I'd difficult to make an informed decision when you can't really sample the texture if you know what I mean... I suppose I could be one of those uncouth individuals that rips open the package to get a feel of the goods... Though it seems to me that a caring store staff would provide a sample roll for each of the varieties on display so that people could make an informed and well sensual decision... But I have never seen such a situation anywhere I have ever shopped for TP. Hmmm, maybe I'm on to something here... Should I open a shop to sell TP exclusively? You know like the coffee places and like say a cigar store where I sell just TP? I can have the samples out for people to choose their preference of paper texture. What do you prefer? The economy style that feels like it is sanding a layer of skin off your hemoroids? Or maybe you prefer the super soft stuff that you have to use ten sheets so your fingers don't go through and, well you know what happens... Do you like the scented variety? Hmmm do they make a TP that has the lotion in it like the Kleenex that are soft and healing for your ... Hiney? What texture do you prefer? Flower patterns? Spots? Ridges? Smooth? The stuff I'm using now has impressed spots that I think are supposed to look like flowers... I wonder, maybe they are to improve that wiping efficiency of the paper. You know, like these spots are arranged all over the sheet of paper to maybe help remove the matter at hand better by providing a series of recessed holes to collect... Well you know what they collect. Hmmm, well life calls at the moment so I need to leave for a bit and will have to get back to this later. I'm back... Well I didn't get a chance to get to my big idea on how to handle the TP shortage here before I had to leave due to distractions. Ever the thinker on ways to solve problems when they arrise my answer to deal with the TP shortage is to get a longer hose for the adjustable shower head that just happens to set right next to my toilet. Thus I will have a bidet and a right fancy one at that. I can adjust the water temperature to the desired heat... Or maybe cold, brrr setting as desired. Given the adjustments available on the shower head I can set the spray to the wide shower effect for those times when things get a bit messy. Or I can set it to the concentrated power stream for those times when a little extra pressure seems appropriate. Oh, we mustn't forget those massage settings when the water pulses and massages away your stress... hmmm, this could be a vast improvement on the old TP method. Maybe not as high tech and fancy as those state of the art bidets from Japan but it will certainly relieve the stress of an empty shelf in the TP section at the store.  Vive La Difference |
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Our gov have decided to fly in the face of WHO advice and of the experience of other countries who have successfully contained the virus buy doing absolutely fucking nothing. They say that if 80% of us are infected we'll develop a herd immunity. Oh, and we'll lose our loved ones sooner than their time. Bunch of absolute cunts! I seriously think they want to change the demographic profile, reduce seniors numbers and therefore pension payments. As for our health system, they've fucked it completely in the last 10 years, there's no way it's going to cope with the demand. Aye, we've madness in the shops, have had for over a week now, f'n muppets. On the plus side I dropped a wee note round my neighbours yesterday offering help if they need it, we have a few oldies in the street too. I have no confidence in any gov, except maybe New Zealand, wish I could move there.
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People are unbelievably selfish at times, and stupid! Anyways, hope you're well and otherwise surviving the madness.
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I use white fluffy kittens.
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